Firefly Ep. 2: “Bushwhacked”
Well, here it is, the first of my “Live Blogs” of Firefly. Feel free to follow along. I’ll list the timestamp that I see each of my observations if you’re playing at home.
0:13 – You know, the Alliance doesn’t seem so bad. It isn’t any worse than the kind of shit the United States has done throughout its 300 year history.
0:26 – “People struggle to get by with only the most basic technologies.” Yes, because a bullshit political statement is totally worth reverting from space-age ubertech back to the 1700s, amirite?
0:39 – “Find a crew. Find a job. Keep flying.” Taunt everybody you meet. Spew one-liners like Reb Brown.
1:02 – Nothing calms down a tense crew like a tough game of idiot ball!
1:41 – River looking around like this silly recreational activity (can’t really call it a game) is the most interesting thing she’s ever seen. It makes me laugh.
2:33 – Yeah, that scene? Entirely pointless.
5:09 – Zzzzzzz…Am I supposed to give a shit about what’s happening here?
5:56 – Yeah! Stealing things is awesome! We’re the good guys! Go team!
6:23 – “Where do you think you’re headed?” Any direction away from your crummy acting, Baldwin.
7:16 – You know, this guy’s whole “tough guy” routine would be a lot more credible if it weren’t for the fact that the medic just buckles like a belt in the presence of this ham.
7:31 – STOP. Stop, stop, stop stop stop…What the fuck’s with the metallic shoulderpads on their spacesuits?
8:18 – I see they were shameless enough to pillage Joss Whedon’s backyard for junk to litter this abandoned cargo ship. A bicycle and a beach ball?
8:42 – I’ve seen this scene before, and it ends with “I am assuming control.”
9:00 – In the future, all on-board ship’s computers will be 1980s-era Macs!
9:24 – “It’s a personal log. Someone was in the middle of an entry.” I guess they couldn’t afford the Captain’s Log from Star Trek, so they’ve got DOS Box loaded onto these tiny Macs for writing their diaries.
9:46 – You know, Jayne has a point. Why are the meager, supposedly barely-subsistent crew carrying around this waste of space that just walks around, clutching her head and screaming at nothing in particular? I’d have sent this nutcase through the airlock last episode.
10:06 – “In seven days, you will see the ring!” See, I can say vaguely scary shit, too.
10:22 – It’s the 26th-century, but we’re still using six-shooters? Really?
10:58 – I get the feeling something bad is about to happen to our Mangina Medic.
11:16 – OK, what the hell was the point of those stupid spacesuits if they were just going to take them off inside this ship? And when the hell did Kaylee get down there? EXPLAIN, WHEDON! EXPLAIN!
11:35 – Oh, wow, Jayne pulled a prank on Mangina! What a bunch of kooky characters! Aren’t these guys adora-I just felt my faith in humanity die again. *sigh*
11:50 – Kaylee and Mangina are going to be a team? Really, Mal? You don’t want to assign anybody, you know, halfway competent to escort these morons?
12:33 – “Keep the engine running, we shouldn’t be long.” Is Mal genre blind, or what?
12:48 – ALL HANDS ON DECK! WE’VE GOT CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF NUTCASE FORECASTED TONIGHT!
13:01 – This…won’t end well…
13:50 – Meathead’s got a soft spot for C-Rations. He’s like Solid Snake minus the charisma, and the credibility, and the badass.
14:09 – You know, this is really Mass Effect 2 all over again. Only Mass Effect 2 was enjoyable.
14:20 – Mal breaks out his “Dr. Insano’s” custom welding goggles.
16:07 – You guys…um…you gonna respond to Nutjob who just sorta invited herself aboard the derelict ship? No? Didn’t think so.
16:28 – Did I really just see Jayne get his ass slammed by some skinny-looking twerp? LOL!
17:38 – Mmmm, that trail of ketchup just might lead to the french fry kingdom.
18:22 – Yeah, Mangina gets points for that.
19:10 – OK, maybe Mal is a bit more genre savvy than I give him credit for.
20:24 – “Reavers?” Ugh, it makes me sick to think that my favorite western RPG of all time was inspired by this tripe.
20:39 – I wish I knew what the budget was for this show. The confines of Serenity look like Joss Whedon’s man-cave.
21:52 – Glad to see our fearless meathead cowers in fear as soon as something bigger than him comes along. This character is unlikeable in the worst way.
22:25 – OK, stop just a second. This is part of what I was talking about when I said that Nathan Fillion was rather miscast for this role. I hate to say it, but he just isn’t enough of a “leader” to be plausible when we’re talking about the captain of this particular group of social retards. He buckles about as often as Mangina.
22:55 – “Just when I think I’ve got you figured out.” Yeah, that’s not because he’s an enigma, it’s because he’s a poorly written character.
24:13 – Those Reaver bastards got BILLY IDOL! GRR…
25:15 – Yeah, way to get that blatant lesbian fanservice pumping, Joss! You da man!
No, actually, you suck.
26:35 – Shut up, Adam Baldwin.
28:06 – See that, Mal? That’s what leadership looks like.
28:58 – This guy’s about as annoying as Tidus. You’re about to join Meathead on my shit list, Mangina!
29:36 – I daresay the only thing more stupid than the crew of this ship walking around with revolvers is the Alliance carrying M-16s. Has weapons technology really just completely stopped evolving for the last 500 years?
29:59 – Yup. That there’s my collection of car batteries.
32:16 – That’s cute and all, but I still have no idea what a Companion is, what your role on the crew is, or why you’re even here.
35:25 – The bitch is grinning. That can NOT be good.
41:09 – They’re doing all they can to make these Alliance guys look evil, but they’re not. They’re just lawful neutral.
43:08 – Um, why does the Reaver guy have pepperonis stapled into his face?
And that’s the end. Wow, that was pretty shitty. I’m still not sure what the hell’s going on in this series, and after two episodes, that doesn’t bode well for it. Next one will be coming once I’m back in Payson.